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I am sick.

21 Nov 2011

Right now,I am lying in my bed.But can’t sleep.

I can’t figure out what is the matter with myself.I just can’t help thinking of her.I am embarrassing to say so,but I can’t deny it.

I can’t help checking her microblog again and again just to find if she have something new updated.I can’t help checking her QQ Zone again and again even if I have no permission to visit.I can’t help doing some really stupid thing which I have never done before,like upload some photo to my QQ Zone and check again and again if she have come by and visit although I hate using the Qzone.I can’t help changing my QQ sign very frequently and hope that she will notice what happend in my life.

I can’t help imagining what she is doing when she is not online.When she is off line for the whole evening,I will be upset because she maybe go out with someone else from work or some guys known form the training course.When she is online in the day time,I have to control myself not to chat with her on QQ because she will say she is busy with work,what can hurt me worse.

I am so finished.

I do all this stuff again and again , just to comfort myself.Because she has no tiny reflection and I know that before I do these thing.She has no interest in me.What a miserable coder.

Sometimes I would doubt what I was doing.As a coder who can only feed himself and far away from home,no plan for the future,Maybe I should focus on something that is more realistic to a man who will live by his own in the society,like a career.

But I really can’t help doing all these thing this time.I really don’t konw why I like her so much.I can’t understand myself.As on of my friends says, she is hard to get along well with,and a little childish,and blablabla….But I just want te be with her.Strange, I would nerver like this kind of gilr before.And right now I didn’t see much in common between us.I don’t kown why she attracts me so much.

I really do not konw myself.Sometimes I am thinking maybe it is not because the girl is a handful,maybe it’s just because I am.

Now I feel much better writting all these down.I write in English because it is too awkward to write these feeling in chinese,on the other hand , her English is not good ,even if she visit my blog which is almost impossible,I think she will ignore this post.I do not want her to see this,because I don’t want her to feel sick about me.